The Rise And Fall Of ‘That Girl’. Part 1

I want to start with a quick mental health check-in. How is everyone feeling today? Don’t just brush me off and say you’re good.  Take a moment to think about this question and be honest with yourself. There’s no judgment here. It is okay to feel however you feel.

Today I’d like to talk about self-improvement. I’m sure many of you,  like myself, have felt the pressure to do and be better. It may be the idea of being more productive throughout the day, eating better, or even just being kinder.

For a long time, the idea of self-improvement fueled me. I believed that if I could just make a small change, my life would improve so much. At first, it worked wonderfully. I woke up with the Sun, worked out daily, and had my schedule packed with meetings, study blocks, and even self-care time.  I was on the Dean’s list, I became an entrepreneur, and my mental health flourished. I was that girl.  Everything was going right and it was because I was committed to being a better person.

 My plan was perfect and my execution was flawless. But life has a funny way of turning good situations upside down. I learned very quickly that life didn’t give a damn about my perfect plan or my flawless execution. Life had no problem ruining everything and my perfect world slowly began falling apart.

 It became harder to wake up in the morning, so I abandoned my business and I quit the gym altogether. I couldn’t understand where I went wrong. Similar to my previous thought pattern, I believed that everything was going wrong and it was all my fault. I began to find flaws in everything that I did. 

Maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough. Or perhaps it was me… maybe I was no longer good enough.  I fell down a rabbit hole of self-criticism and doubt, and it lead to one of the longest depressive episodes in my life. What was wrong with me?

I now know that the answer to my question is… nothing.